Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Let's spin history like Rudy G
Rudy Giuliani is a bloody genius.
I was perusing through the AP news briefs as I am akin to do, and there buried among the reports of roided up wrestlers murdering their families was an interesting little nugget of news. Rudy Giuliana, whom I, along with what must be 95 percent of the nation, think is the smartest son-of-a-gun that currently exists in politics, apparently thinks that Bill Clinton was weak on terror. "Bill Clinton" you say, "what the hell does he have to do with anything happening in the world today other than that nifty campaign ad his wife ran that lampooned the Sopranos?" "Well," I would say, with drama and gusto and other stuff "Bill Clinton is important because..." well, honestly, I don't really know why he's important right now, other than the fact that his wife is probably going to metaphorically impale Rudy Giuliani's presidential hopes on some kind of medieval lance. As we all know, and as Giuliani seems to be kindly pointing out, presidential candidates are never hold their own political views, they simply take the views of their spouses and use them while holding the most important job in the world. A vote for Eisenhower was really a vote for Maimie, any half-wit knows that!!!
Anyways, enough with the rambling. What Giuliani said in his undeniably brilliant address (ok, just a little more sarcasm) was, essentially, that Bill Clinton was weak on terror and that he totally FUBAR'ed the 1993 WTC bombings that killed five people. Giuliani then revealed, AL QAEDA first declared war on us in 1993!!! When I read this I was, of course, almost moved to tears, so I can only imagine how dramatically engaging such an emotionally wrought speech was to whichever elitist Republican's he was addressing at the time. But since I, regrettably, wasn't there, I only have my imagination. Oh, and the transcripts. Oh, and a pregnant sense of Giuliani's idiocy. His point, according to what I've read from what he said, rests largely on the fact that he believes that Clinton's limp-wristed decision to treat the WTC bombings as a criminal act directly led to other terrorist attacks on American's. Specifically Giuliani cites terrorist attacks on the Khobar Towers, attacks on housing complexes in Saudi Arabia, Kenya and Tanzania and the strike on the USS Cole.
Of course Giuliani ignores several facts. First of all Clinton's (in Giuliani's mind) misguided approach to handling the WTC bombings only resulted in the arrests and convictions of those involved, including the alleged mastermind Ramzi Yousef.
So, damn you Clinton, all you were able to do after the first WTC bombing was bring the perpetrator's to justice!! Obviously what he should have done was fire-bombed a couple of random Middle Eastern cities then sent thousands of US troops to their deaths in the pursuit of FREEDOM (not ours but that of our close neighbors in the Middle East)! If only Clinton had seen the light and, say, appointed George W Bush as his secretary of defense then the US and its citizens abroad would finally be secure!! Dubya would have saddled up and doled out some Texas justice to the darkies. He would have gone Walker Texas Ranger on their asses and the US would have never been attacked again!! Except on September 11. Oh, and our citizens might have been attacked in 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 and countless times in Iraq in 2007 as has happened since Bush became president but as Giuliani seems to be insinuating, thats not very likely. After all, nothing appeases radical Islamic terrorists like a white bread Texan who wants their oil and hates their God. Because, obviously if Bush had been in power in 1993 his brilliant military strategies would have stopped Al Qaeda once and for all and he'd be like the Captain Kangaroo of the Middle East and would be appearing on kiddie TV shows. Or something like that.
I was perusing through the AP news briefs as I am akin to do, and there buried among the reports of roided up wrestlers murdering their families was an interesting little nugget of news. Rudy Giuliana, whom I, along with what must be 95 percent of the nation, think is the smartest son-of-a-gun that currently exists in politics, apparently thinks that Bill Clinton was weak on terror. "Bill Clinton" you say, "what the hell does he have to do with anything happening in the world today other than that nifty campaign ad his wife ran that lampooned the Sopranos?" "Well," I would say, with drama and gusto and other stuff "Bill Clinton is important because..." well, honestly, I don't really know why he's important right now, other than the fact that his wife is probably going to metaphorically impale Rudy Giuliani's presidential hopes on some kind of medieval lance. As we all know, and as Giuliani seems to be kindly pointing out, presidential candidates are never hold their own political views, they simply take the views of their spouses and use them while holding the most important job in the world. A vote for Eisenhower was really a vote for Maimie, any half-wit knows that!!!
Anyways, enough with the rambling. What Giuliani said in his undeniably brilliant address (ok, just a little more sarcasm) was, essentially, that Bill Clinton was weak on terror and that he totally FUBAR'ed the 1993 WTC bombings that killed five people. Giuliani then revealed, AL QAEDA first declared war on us in 1993!!! When I read this I was, of course, almost moved to tears, so I can only imagine how dramatically engaging such an emotionally wrought speech was to whichever elitist Republican's he was addressing at the time. But since I, regrettably, wasn't there, I only have my imagination. Oh, and the transcripts. Oh, and a pregnant sense of Giuliani's idiocy. His point, according to what I've read from what he said, rests largely on the fact that he believes that Clinton's limp-wristed decision to treat the WTC bombings as a criminal act directly led to other terrorist attacks on American's. Specifically Giuliani cites terrorist attacks on the Khobar Towers, attacks on housing complexes in Saudi Arabia, Kenya and Tanzania and the strike on the USS Cole.
Of course Giuliani ignores several facts. First of all Clinton's (in Giuliani's mind) misguided approach to handling the WTC bombings only resulted in the arrests and convictions of those involved, including the alleged mastermind Ramzi Yousef.
So, damn you Clinton, all you were able to do after the first WTC bombing was bring the perpetrator's to justice!! Obviously what he should have done was fire-bombed a couple of random Middle Eastern cities then sent thousands of US troops to their deaths in the pursuit of FREEDOM (not ours but that of our close neighbors in the Middle East)! If only Clinton had seen the light and, say, appointed George W Bush as his secretary of defense then the US and its citizens abroad would finally be secure!! Dubya would have saddled up and doled out some Texas justice to the darkies. He would have gone Walker Texas Ranger on their asses and the US would have never been attacked again!! Except on September 11. Oh, and our citizens might have been attacked in 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 and countless times in Iraq in 2007 as has happened since Bush became president but as Giuliani seems to be insinuating, thats not very likely. After all, nothing appeases radical Islamic terrorists like a white bread Texan who wants their oil and hates their God. Because, obviously if Bush had been in power in 1993 his brilliant military strategies would have stopped Al Qaeda once and for all and he'd be like the Captain Kangaroo of the Middle East and would be appearing on kiddie TV shows. Or something like that.
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