Hall of Fame business

So every argumentative baseball fans annual wet dream - better known as the voting for the Hall of Fame - is fast approaching. Tomorrow or Monday I'll write who I think should make the Hall of Fame (while providing completely useless reasons why), but today, i thought it would be interesting to look at the random vote totals that some players have received in recent years.

2007: Harold Baines - In 2007, Baines year of HOF eligibility, he received a scant 29 votes (5.7%). Now Baines wasn't exactly the Jesus of baseball, but he was pretty damn good. He had a .289 career average, 384 homers and a respectable .821 OPS. However, the knock against him was that all he could really do was hit, and as a result, played DH especially after his original team, the White Sox, traded him (beginning his journeyman phase). He never hit more than thirty homers in a season, but he still, in my opinion, deserved to receive more votes that Don-fucking-Mattingly. Yay, Yankees are great, but Baines was his equal and for almost twice as long (and Baines' Baseball-reference page hasn't been turned into a cheap attempt at advertising).
Fun facts about Baines - he played for 22 season yet only managed to steal 34 career bases. Among the many players he was traded for were Sammy Sosa, Brook Fordyce, and the immortal Scott Chiamparino.

2006 Hank Morrison - Who the hell is Hank Morrison? I don't know if the baseball Hall of Fame has their own voting tallies incorrect but it says that a Hank Morrison received 5 votes in 2006 and I, for the life of me, have no idea who he is and neither baseball library or baseball-reference.com has any idea either. Maybe they mean, Hal Morris, but still, why the hell would you vote for a weak hitting Cincinatti Reds first baseman? That's like voting for Sean Casey.

2004 Cecil Fielder - In 2004 Cecil Fielder, yes the fat guy that I vaguely remember suiting up for the Angels - the one that hit 51 homers in 1990 and made all 25 remaining Detroit Tigers fans wet their pants received one vote for the Hall of Fame. That's one more than Bob 'dare you to pronounce my name correctly' Tewksbury and one less than Juan 'that ball is rarely gone' Samuel. If Chili Davis, a less fat, not as powerful first basemen that DH'ed for the Angels late in his career can get three votes, than why can't Cecil? It's those 2 years that Chili played for the Yankees I tell you. That makes the guy that votes for every Yankee on the ballot write his name in or something.

2000: Bill Gullickson - I was actually going to make fun of Bill Gullickson for receiving one Hall of Fame vote in 2000 because the only thing I remember about him was that he was a sub-par starting pitcher for those miserable early 90's Detroit Tigers teams. However, with a little bit of baseball-reference magic i found out that he was actually a relatively solid starting pitcher for the Montrael Expos during the 1980's and that he actually won 20 games one year! So now I think he should have gotten a couple more votes. I'm assuming that in 1987 when he pitched for the Yankees (albeit briefly) he must have crapped in Don 'we swear he's the new Dimaggio' Mattingly's shoes or something, otherwise he'd have like 17 votes.

Sean Taylor

This (I am almost 100 percent certain based on the mug shot the same name, similar location and random pictures of a seventeen year old with dozens of 100 dollar bills) is one of the guys that was arrested in the shooting of Redskins safety Sean Taylor.

$MR.FLORIDA$'s myspace.

Anyone else find it ironic that while he may be responsible for taking the life of Sean Taylor some of the friend's on his page have changed their photos to memorialize him?


UPDATE

His site was taken down. At least I can say i had it linked hours before the AP did, my gift to the 5 people that looked at my post!

I Posted something

I'm still alive, ready to speak volumes to my non-existent audience! YES!

Anyways my baseball obsession has kicked in again, and, well, I've decided to scribe out some BS about the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim - aka, the only sports team name that requires you to take more than two breaths when you say it.

Recent rumors out of LAA land suggest that the Angels are targeting a third baseman. Since A-God realized that his buxom she-male blonde lived in New York and that if he moved to Irvine he wouldn't have extensive access to her and resigned with the Yankees the Angels seem to have two new third basemen in their sights. One is the shitastic Mike Lowell and the other is Dominican Marlin himself Miguel Cabrera. Now, let me be frank, Mike Lowell sucks, and if the Angels give him 55 million or whatever the hell he's asking for they're idiots. He's 32 and managed 120 RBI, because, well, he's right handed and plays in Boston. Hell Dontrelle Willis could pound out 120 RBI in that situation. So, Arte, if you were to sign Lowell for 55 million he'll probably suck and you'll end up dressing him like Mickey Mouse or something for creative cross-marketing purposes just to recoup the losses.

Miguel Cabrera on the other hand - well actually I'm not to sure about him. All signs point to yes, yes, oh Jesus yes mortgage the farm, sell the Volvo and find some way to get him. 24 year old third basemen with his skills don't exactly grow on trees. However, the Marlins are psychotic or something because they seem to be expecting not only Howie Kendrick, our oft-injured jesus second basemen and Brandon Wood, the k-tastic power prospect but they also expect Nick Adenhart who, unlike Ervin "Magicless" Santana, might actually live up to the hype. Giving up that much should make any GM hesitate. And, it should, especially, make the Angels GM (whose name i no longer know - regan or something) hesitate considering how miserably these kinds of things have gone.

And so, after that lengthy tirade I present the worst deals the Angels have ever made (in my lifetime that is)!!

5. March 5, 1990; Released Robinson Checo:
Why Doug Rader why? How could you release a guy with a hardass name like that. Sure he didn't make it to the majors until 1996 and even then only played three years and had a sparkling 7.61 era, but still, his name was Robinson. He might not have struck out many batters but goddamnit, he struck a chord in my heart!
4. March 14, 1991; Traded Dante Bichette to the Milwaukee Brewers for Dave Parker:
This one made total sense. Let's see Dante Bichette is 26 years old and had the third most homers on our team in 1990. Dave Parker is like 72, really sucks and likes cocaine. How can you not make that deal? My theory is that they weren't trading for Dave Parker but they were, rather, trading for Dave Parker's beard.
3. June 3, 1991; Drafted Eduardo Perez, Jorge Fabregas, Chris Pritchett, Chris Turner, Mark Sweeney, Shad Williams and Jacob Cruz.
Ouch. Who was running this draft - Mitch Kupchack? On the plus side Chris Pritchett, while playing only 61 real major league games, was a total monster in Baseball Mogul 1998.
2. March 23, 2000; Traded Jim Edmonds to the St. Louis Cardinals for Kent Bottenfield and Adam Kennedy:
I guess Adam Kennedy only kind of sucked but for christs sake he was the afterthought in this deal. The center-pieces were Edmonds and Bottenfield, best known to Angels fans as that fat guy we traded for that other fat guy Ron Gant. I"m not sure what part of Bottenfield's track record made the Angels actually think he could replicate his infamous 18 win season of 1999. Maybe it was the 5.07 ERA he posted in 1993. Actually, i'm guessing they assumed Troy Glaus would share his stash with Kent or that the threat of Mo Vaughn devouring his left leg would motivate him or something.
1. Speaking of...
December 11, 1991; Sign Mo Vaughn for a hell of a lot of money:
At the time this deal had me moderately excited. Mo Vaughn after all kicked ass. But, he was also a fatass, and that was the part that bit the Angels in the ass when he took the tumble heard round the world down those dugout steps. Anyways, The Hit Dog played a couple years in Anaheim ate a couple hundred Angels dogs and was promptly shuffled off to the Mets for the almost as crappy Kevin Appier. But, at least they didn't spend that money on Kevin Brown right?

An imagined conversation with Jerry Buss

Q: So, it's been a rough off-season what with Kobe and the legions of Lakers fans demanding some change. How do you intend to address his and their concerns?

A: Please, those concerns have already been addressed.

Q: Really? The only significant addition to the Lakers addition has been a 32 year old backup point guard...

A: That's right, ol Jerry went out and broke open the bank to bring back your beloved Derek Fisher. Everything's la la in Lakerland. That Derek, he has heart, that's all this team needs, is a little extra heart!!! And did you see who I drafted? That Sun Yen Son-of-a-bitch, he's got grit, and moxie, and he's not Smush Parker. I know you bastards hated that guy.

Q: Maybe but he doesn't even feature in the Lakers long term plans. If the only players we add are washed up veterans and foreign-contracted youngsters then how can you expect to remain competitive...

A: Competitive eh? You think I can't be competitive. Well old Jerry says stick it up your ass. Even when I was pulled over for being drunk and driving the wrong way down a one-way street I still had some hot 23-year-old tail wrapped around my arm. I'll give you competitive you son-of-a-bitch. Old Hugh's got nothing on Dr. Love.

Q: I didn't mean competitive in love. This isn't a reality show. I was referring to the sport. I mean have you even seen the team you've put together?

A: You're damn right I've seen the team. We got that beef guy, Kobe, Lomax, the chef dude-cookie's his name, Bynum, uh, the white fellow with the curly hair, and then we have vujavacicisous, he's my favorite. Hell we even have to second most famous Dr. Phil in Hollywood. That son-of-a-bitch, he's after my money. But I'll tell you what, if you think the action's good down on the court, well then, you should come on up to my suite. Everything there vibrates, I kid you not! That's where Dr. Love fills out his prescriptions.

Q: Yes, its good you're a horny old man, but what about the on-the-court action?

A: On-the-court action? I'll tell you what, I've thought about it, but jeez, so many people. I get performance anxiety you know. I mean a small crowd's ok, but 25,000? Give me a break! Mark Ruffalo couldn't take that kind of pressure, and I'm 72!

Q: Never mind then. I guess the only thing left to ask, since you've more than established your lasciviousness, is what do you plan on doing to improve this team?

A: Improve the team? Haven't you been listening? D-erek F-isher!! Mr 0.6! Do I have to spell it out for you? Ah, who the fuck am I kidding? I'm rich! I don't need you sons-of-a-bitches! Hell as long as we're not the Clippers you dumbfucks will keep on filling up my arena and I'll keep on filling my pockets with sweet mother money. The moolah, the cold-hard cash!! I could trot out a starting lineup of Vlade Divac, Travis Knight, Jon Barry, Ryan Minor and Sasha Vujavacicisous rain my feces down upon the crowd while wearing a klansmen outfit and you dumbasses would still pay me!! So Hah!!

Q: Oh, ok, thank you for your time Mr. Buss.

A: Anytime you dirty old whoring son-of-a-bitch. Say, you wanna drink?

Damn Indonesians

As some that know me know I am a baseball obsessive. As such, I've decided to start writing about some baseball stuff on this site. Why? I don't know, just for kicks.

Anyways, today Mike Piazza was nailed in the head with a water bottle during a game (and i thought that kind of thing only happened in Oakland). Piazza called the fan "gutless" and then proceeded to press charges, saying he hoped the fan would spend the night in jail. I do too, he's obviously a retard. It's never really a good thing for fans to be throwing things from the stands but it does beg the question-which objects, when tossed with reckless abandon, would cause other major leaguers to press charges?

So, following, is a largely pointless list, yay!!

1. Richie Sexson: Judging by how insanely successful Sexson's year has not been (unless of course you consider having more strikeouts than hits as a full time player successful) I'm tempted to think that Richie Sexson would feasibly press charges if some over-zealous fan were to print out the Mariners season stats highlight Sexson's name ball up the paper and chuck it at Richie's goatee white shouting "I drafted you in the sixth round motherfucker!!" After all, only a mother could love a .202 average, and even then it would likely be a forced love, like the kind prisoners give each other.

2. Edwin Jackson: If some creative soul were to craft a foam W (like the talking ones you see on Sesame Street) and lob it at Edwin I would think he'd be terrified enough to call in the cops. After all, I don't think Jackson has seen a "W" in what seems like five years. He'd probably think it was a rabid seagull, or a horribly deformed, food-poisoning infected curly fry.

3. Barry Bonds: I'm sure this one has already happened (not in San Francisco of course) but if a syringe were to pelt Barry in the ass his sense of righteousness would definitely kick in causing him to cal in San Fran's finest. After all, Barry never did that shit.

4. Gary Sheffield: If a bird were to crap on Gary's head, if a mosquito were to buzz in his ear or if some malcontent were to throw 3 sticks of dynamite at his feet Gary's reaction would be the same-calling the fuzz. After all, the only reason any of those creatures were targeting him was because he's black.

Song of the Week

Eh, I couldn't resist. Since imeem is so awesome i'm going to try and post some songs again. This weeks comes from alt-country mavens (well they're not really mavens but that word sounded so sweet that I needed to use it) The Roadside Graves. Their music reminds me of say Fingers Cut Megamachine or a country-fried Wolf Parade. Thusly they are pretty sweet. Anyways, this song has been stuck in my head, and I wanted to put it on my Myspace, however was derailed when I couldn't find it. The song is called Family Friends and is off The Roadside Graves 2007 release No One Will Know Where You've Been, which you can buy here.

Random list stuff

Reno 911!, Family Guy, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

In the next couple of weeks (since i'm not a movie aficionado i'm not sure of the exact time frame) The Simpsons movie will hit theaters. Now, I'm sure, as a result, all kinds of bloggers are furiously typing out rants about how the Simpsons is terrible, and, currently, a blight upon mankind then proclaiming Matt Groening to be the heir apparent to Satan or Alastair Crowley or something while eating cheezy doodles (like Stephen A. Smith) and reassuring themselves that they are the suavest of the suave. Or they're making a list or something about other TV shows that should be made into movies (Futurama anyone?). However, since I'm not suave, I won't be doing any of those things. I will be making a list however, of TV shows that should not be made into movies.

5. Robot Chicken: I guess some people find this show to be entertaining. I'm not one of them. I am however aware that recently the did a Robot Chicken themed Star Warsor something equally useless. Apparently, if that IGN cove story means anything, that little stunt has caused some kind of Robot Chicken fever that threatens to swallow up society and multiplexes alike. Please, comedy central, don't let that happen. I love me some claymation but this show fucking sucks.

4. Sealab 2021: One would assume that only a crack addicted meth monkey would even consider making a movie out of Sealab 2021, but since they made a movie out of ATHF I suppose anything is possible. Hopefully, however, Comedy Central will realize that any attempt to make a movie out of Sealab will result in something akin to a 90 minute fever dream that only mushroom popping burnouts will want to watch. And maybe this time they'll make the prudent decision and not make the movie anyways.

3. Friends: Considering the, in my opinion, completely unexplainable popularity of this show, it seems quite likely that the humorless bastards that own the Friendsbrand will someday try to beat a feature length film out of the dead horse that is Jennifer Aniston's "career". Honestly, I don't even know if Jennifer Aniston is in the show, but she seems like the kind of person that would be so I'll use her name here. The only way a Friends movie would be moderately entertaining would be if they took the cast to some deserted island and let Ted Nugent hunt them with high powered rifles. Or, alternatively, they could take six monkeys, all of different species and put them together in a posh Manhattan apartment then let them do stuff, like scratch and throw shit all over the place. It would be infinitely more entertaining then Joey mistaking Ross' statement that he's "hammering wood" as some kind of gay pass at him or Phoebe singing a stupid ass song about flowers and giving birth. Oh, and the acting would also be superior.

2. Seinfeld: As moderately entertaining as Seinfeld was making a movie out of it would be pointless. I just don't see what kind of storyline they could pull out their asses that will successfully cover 90 minutes. I suppose they could go Clerks style and make a series of vignettes, but, honestly, Jerry Seinfeld is no longer funny enough to pull that off. I never really understood what the hell the people were laughing at during those little stand-up skits that Seinfeld used to open each show. Maybe they were all thinking of Dane Cook. Or Carlos Mencia cuz those guys are flipping hilarious!!!! Anyways, my memories of this TV show are too good to be ruined by a movie so Jerry better not be getting greedy anytime soon. The only way a Seinfeld movie could be entertaining is if they replaced that fat guy that was eaten during Jurassic Park with either Michael Clark Duncan or Samuel L Jackson (when he's acting all crazy). Then, one of those two could share some screen time with Michael Richards. The racial unity that would then ensue would put a smile on the world's face or something.

1. Dukes of Hazzard: Jeez, I can only imagine how terrible a movie this show would make. I mean all the show featured was two retards driving around in a car on pointless. What the hell would they use to keep our interest for the whole two hours? They would have to really scrape the bottom of the barrel... maybe sign Johnny Knoxville and one of those American Pie rejects as the leads while pulling Willie Nelson out of his hemp coffin to play that old duke fellow. Then they'd have to make tedious jokes about how Willie smokes the cheebus and how it's funny to drive a car with a confederate flag in downtown Atlanta. The only way they could tarnish the "legend" (?) of Hazzard county is by hiring some talentless piece of white trash to play the iconic Daisy Duke!! They would never!!! Oh, wait. At least they never made a sequel.