A Tale of Two Cities - Set in One City

Anyone that lives in or around that buzzing metropolis called Los Angeles knows that it is essentially a two-faced city. The first face is the obvious one, that of the bleeding heart liberal championing environmental causes while promoting their newest "edgy" thriller/comedy/sexploitation film out of the back of their 50,000 dollar H3. This is affectionately known as the Hollywood face, and, though I'm generally dismissive of these people I also identify more with them then with Los Angeles' other face. After all, sometimes, when Hollywood celebrities and University professors aren't championing century old causes or adopting a harem of foreign children they do do some good to the world. More than me of course, but a single methane producing cow probably has more world impact then my sorry ass at this point.

The other face is one that most people would not readily associate with California. However, anyone that drives on California's maze-like freeway systems knows who I'm talking about. They're the guys (or girls) sporting a Jesus fish on the back of their mini-van as they drive home from work at 2 in the morning after banging their underage secretary. They're the jackasses with the shaved head and the goatee that have an Iron Cross plastered on the rear window of their car who only associate the symbol with a skateboarding company (though they themselves have never skated in their lives) blatantly ignoring the fact that the Kaiser's Germany used the same symbol during the devastating World War One. They're the guys that drive raised Chevy Silverado's who don't turn their fucking brights off when they're tailgating you in the far right lane of a three lane freeway at 2 in the morning. They are the people that take up three parking spaces at the local Target. They are the people that make California a miserable place to live.

The whole point of this tirade starts with the fact that California is a beautiful place. The sun shines almost year round (though it does get pretty miserable down here in the Inland Empire during the summer months)and when it rains its refreshing (and also exciting, apparently, as the local news have 24 hour storm-watches set up in case of a light drizzle) and the beach is close (though i hate the beach) and Disneyland is close (though i hate Disney) and the great interesting cities of Los Angeles, San Diego and San Francisco are always in (rather) close proximity. It ends with the fact that California is oftentimes a miserable place as well. People, for the most part, have no regard for each other. I saw this today when some 17 year-old broadsided a truck and both sides reacted by screaming and yelling at each other instead of asking whether or not the other party was hurt (though me and my friend Mark performed this role adequately enough). I mean, for christssake it's just a fucking car and you were both driving like fucking morons to cause the accident. At least show a little concern before bitching about the large hunk of metal you were driving in an idiotic manner. Though i must say, the guy in the truck was less reactionary, but he didn't speak a lick of English which probably explains his relative silence.

The point ends with this: the sad thing is that displays like this are not an uncommon thing in California. All one needs to do is drive on the 91 freeway at six in the afternoon. Not only will you get to see random unsignaled lane changes by cell-phone chatting motorists wearing sunglasses (though the sun is dropping down) but you'll also get to see the tags on the freeway signs (because that shiny silver plastic is obviously worth claiming) and the cop that pulled over a black guy because he has a hold in his rear headlight while blissfully ignoring the ad executive in the Toyota Tundra weaving in and out of traffic at 83 miles per hour. I guess the message is this: before you flip that one fingered salute out your window; before you yell some random racial epithet out your driver-side window and before you cut off that minivan with the seven kids that's only going 60 in the slow lane think - is this really the person I want to be? Would i want someone to act this way to me or to my sister or to my son? Is it really worth going out of my way to try and make someone else's life a little more miserable? Don't we all already have it bad enough? For Godssake just show a little courtesy - It's not that hard.

Oh, and you could get shot for those things too.